4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
