We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
