did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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