I'm lost and stupid without you.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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