we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
