apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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