I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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