I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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