I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think my moral compass just broke
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
