My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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