Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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