So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
