Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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