If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
