Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
