my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
