You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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