Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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