Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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