I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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