We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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