sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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