I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
