So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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