Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
