Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
