apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Randomize
