She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
