this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
