if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
