i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
