cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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