Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
