Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
