the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
