I think I am morally bankrupt
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
