I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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