I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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