lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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