I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
