How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
