i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's Friday. Sex?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
