so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
