I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
