kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
