It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
