I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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