somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
