He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
