Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
