Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
