I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
